![]() But what has changed as a result of meditation is that thoughts and thinking don't have the same kind of power over me that they used to have. I'm in quite a technically demanding job, so I have to think about what needs doing. I can think and evaluate, weigh things up, and so on. During day-to-day activities, I have an active mind. When I'm sitting, the mind usually settles down and becomes pretty quiet but even then streams of thought will start up spontaneously, before I notice that, and 'return to the breath'. I'm very rarely without thoughts altogether. Most people who practice vipassana don't seem to have this problem, but maybe that's because they think in a different way. My question is: how to combine thought with awareness? I want to get to the level where I can be fully aware all the time in daily life. It's like I have to choose between being fully aware, and being able to think. As soon as I'm finished meditating I start thinking again and my internal monologue returns. When I meditate, I'm fully aware of my surroundings and because I don't really think while meditating, there is no internal monologue. I've been practicing vipassana for some time. I'm sure a lot of people do this so I never really cared about it, until now. Without an internal monologue I don't seem to be able to structure my thoughts properly, and I have the feeling I lose a lot of 'brain power'. In my head I'm talking to myself, because hearing ideas in my head helps me to make decisions and it gives structure to my thoughts. I'm someone who always 'uses' internal monologue to express my thoughts or make my ideas clearer (for myself).
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